Synopsis: After getting caught red-handed trying to sell their cocaine to the Colombian government agents, Archer, Cyril and Ray are supposedly being transported to the toughest prison in South America until…they aren’t.
Details: Once again, a pseudo-ISIS-like episode has Archer, Cyril and Ray being transported to prison after they were caught trying to sell their cocaine booty to Colombian government agents only the “guards” transporting them have no intention of taking them to any prison [translation: they are going to be murdered]. Realizing this, Archer tries to concoct an escape plan but before he can begin his concocting process, a chance cow appears in the middle of the road causing the driver to swerve and send their jeep tumbling down a ravine in a long crash scene. After the jeep finally stops rolling, Ray gets the keys to their handcuffs off the guards and frees everybody.
Meanwhile, back at the historic Tunt Manor, the women – and Krieger – are mostly nonchalant about the boys’ whereabouts – except Malory, who seems to be exhibiting genuine concern over Archer’s well-being. This intrigues Lana so she decides to help Malory relax by rounding up the girls [Cherlene and Pam] and offering to treat Malory to a “ladies spa day” with each of them assuming a spa worker role to treat Malory.
The boys extract themselves from the jeep, craft a raft out of nearby wood logs and begin floating down the crocodile-infested river which freaks out Archer who appears to have a fear of man-eating crocodiles. Ray passes the time by constructing a hat out of banana leaves but then tosses it into the river when he gets annoyed with Archer and this attracts several large crocodiles which eat the hat then eat the two unconscious guards who were laid out on the raft.
Back at historic Tunt Manor, Lana is still overseeing the “ladies spa day” for Malory, who seems to be relaxing somewhat despite some shoddy role-playing techniques from Cherlene and Pam.
Finally, after narrowly escaping the crocodiles, Ray accidentally lights their raft on fire and Archer douses everyone with fuel so they can make themselves “crocodile-proof” and swim to shore. Once on shore, they trudge through the forest before coming upon an airstrip where they encounter what they believe to be narcos loading drugs on an airplane. The ensuing firefight ends with Archer, Cyril and Ray killing the narcos and taking charge of the plane but not before Ray vents and makes his stance clear on how he feels about Archer.
The Poop and Skinny: Top four things to remember from this episode…
Archer’s voicemails seem to have programmed minds of their own via Archer, of course.
Archer would really like a return to the tradition that is “phrasing!”
Only five episodes of “Archer” remain in Season Five
The coveted TZ Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Archer, whose answer to Cyril’s question of “What do crocodiles eat? is… – “Everything!…and fear is their bacon bits