Synopsis: ISIS has been hired as the security detail for the exclusive restaurant 16/Seize [pronounced Sez] and its celebrity chef Lance Casteau [Anthony Bourdain] in preparation for a visit from the ambassador from Albania – and each agent, including Archer, must assume a fictitious role in the restaurant.
Details: Looking past the fact that it’s the ambassador from Albania they are supposed to be protecting – the premise is eggplant-mushy, as the ISIS staff goes undercover as fake restaurant employees for a fake filming of the celebrity chef reality television show “Bastard Chef” – featuring Lance Casteau [real life celebrity chef, Anthony Bourdain]. Each agent gets his own alias for the fake show with Archer being Randy Randerson, Cyril being Chet Manley, Lana being Mitzi, Hostess/Failed Actress and Ray being Gilles de Rais, Child Murderer.
Back at ISIS headquarters, Malory wants Pam to arrange for a reservation at Seize and threatens to pour her drink into Pam’s fishbowl containing Jermaine, her Siamese fighting fish, unless she can secure reservations at the notoriously difficult restaurant which requires a 10-month advance reservation for normal people and having Lance Casteau’s special phone number for the celebrity elite.
While they are supposed to be busy preparing an exquisite meal of sheep head for the Albanian ambassador, Archer and Cyril instead spend most of the time in the kitchen engaging in a food fight or verbal fight while Archer drinks nonstop throughout the preparation process – annoying Lance Casteau.
Back at ISIS HQ, Rodney the gun librarian procures a reservation at 16/Seize for Jermaine the Fighting Fish, but not until Pam negotiates to have Cheryl gives him a hand job and it is finally learned that the real reason Malory wants the reservation is because she was responsible for phoning in an anonymous threat to the Albanian ambassador so ISIS could get the gig and prove their worthiness to the state department and “possibly save US/Albanian relations”.
Malory, Ron Cadillac, Pam and Cheryl are waiting for their food at their table but it is taking too long so Ron has brought along crackers and jelly for them to nibble on while they wait for the Albanian ambassador to be served – but as the ambassador is enjoying his meal, he keels over. Lance escapes on a rooftop helicopter piloted by KGB cyborg couple Barry and Katja and reveals that he poisoned the Albanian ambassador for a $6 million dollar payout, but Katja gets tired of hearing his voice and tosses him out of the helicopter – thus severely curtailing Archer’s master chef ambitions – the end.
The Poop and Skinny: Top three things to remember from this episode…
What is this? Spain in the 30s?
On the gay job scale, superspy ranks above master chef which, in turn, ranks above architect.
Archer was a bartender in Polynesia.
Gilles de Rais really is a child murderer from the 15th century – Google or Wikipedia it, we’re not going that far for you.
Any image – whether animated or live-action – depicting an eggplant getting destroyed [as was the case when an eggplant smashes into Cyril’s face] – automatically elevates the credibility of said show.
The coveted TZ Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Lance Casteau, who stops a food-splotched Chet Manley [Cyril] from bringing food out of the kitchen to serve to the guests – “Not you, Chet. You look like a dinosaur’s tampon.”