Archer Vice – On The Carpet – Season 5, Episode 9
Synopsis: The boys – Archer, Cyril and Ray – somehow survive Colombia but Malory is less than enthralled with their explanation and stories of how they managed to escape and return with their lives but without cocaine or money.
Details: Archer, Cyril and Ray successfully make it back to historic Tunt Manor where their reward is to regale a disgruntled Malory with their tales of woe. As they begin, Pam briefly interrupts to take another hit of her cocaine whipped cream because her and Krieger are shooting the album cover for Cherlene and this may or may not involve red, white and blue rocket popsicles being inserted into her vagina or other orifices.
Archer, Cyril and Ray begin backtracking and telling how they were on the airplane returning from Colombia when Ray informed them that there was not enough fuel in the plane to land at any other airstrip except the one in the middle of the Everglades where unhappy gun runners would be awaiting their arrival. Cyril decides to lighten the load and perhaps lengthen the trip by tossing all their guns out of the plane. Once on the ground, Archer is hit by a round of beanbags fired from Slater [Christian Slater] and makes up a story referring to himself as Rando and Cyril and Ray as the Mccracken Brothers, Phil and Odie.
Archer’s story barely convinces Slater to free them and gives them guns in return for the cocaine shipment they have delivered. From all this, Malory determines that Archer, Cyril and Ray had stumbled onto a CIA-backed arms-for-drugs deal gone awry.
Christian Slater makes a voice acting appearance as, who else, Slater.[/caption
Meanwhile, Malory announces that her and Ron will be getting back together but they will have an “open” marriage, whereupon Cherlene’s phone immediately rings. She answers and says it is Ron, so Malory knocks her out. Pam’s phone then rings and Malory glares at her and Pam lets it ring.
The Poop and Skinny: Top four things to remember from this episode…
Archer mentions that they barely have enough weapons to invade Quebec and Krieger suggests invading Quebec after lunch “when they’re all logey”.
Unbeknownst to all, Krieger had created a narco-submarine but had to blow it up.
Cherlene wears whipped cream on her boobs for the entire episode in a riff on Herb Alpert and The Tijuana Brass’ classic whipped cream lady album cover
Only four episodes of “Archer” remain in Season Five
The coveted TZ Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Malory, when listening to the stories being relayed to her by Archer, Cyril and Ray – “Ooooh, this is exciting! I hope everyone dies.”