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NTSF:SD:SUV – Wrecks The Mall – Season 3, Episode 12

Evil mall Santa and his bad-ass elves.

Evil mall Santa and his bad-ass elves.

Synopsis: NTSF:SD:SUV – okay, mostly Trent – is forced to deal with a terrorist mall Santa and his bad-ass, gun-toting elves who display no holiday spirit while aiming to teach everyone a little lesson about consumerism.

Details: Kove is telling a holiday tale to Trent’s kids to get them to go to sleep so Santa can come down the chimney and bestow them with gifts but they aren’t buying the usual holiday fables so Kove pulls out the old standby of Trent battling the evil mall Santa and his band of very un-merry gun-toting elves who have decided to make a crusade against the rampant consumerism the holidays typically bring.

Alphonse is at the mall anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa – who he very much believes in, so much so that he completely whiffs on picking up the obvious signs that this particular mall Santa is not only not the real Santa but actually a terrorist as well – who arrives in style with his gun-toting elves and immediately takes over the mall. Santa and the elves are intent upon teaching everyone the true meaning of the holidays, which denounces consumerism but also seems to involve guns and taking hostages.

Meanwhile, Piper is just looking for a Petey the Pitbull plush toy and after getting locked out of the mall when Trent orders a mall lockdown, engages in a knife fight with Daisy over who gets to get into the mall first to grab the last Peteys on the shelves.

When he unintentionally gets a little too close to the action, one of the elves knocks out Alphonse with a giant candy cane, leaving only Trent to fend off the evil mall Santa. Using poison gumballs with shrewd efficiency, Trent takes out a few elves and finally gets the evil mall Santa where he wants him. But in the ensuing mano-a-mano holiday battle, evil mall Santa seems to be getting the best of Trent until Trent uses trickeration and announces to all the wild-eyed shoppers that Santa’s belly is full of Petey the Pit Bull plush toys. The consumers rip evil mall Santa to shreds like a pack of piranhas and consumerism is victorious and the day is saved by Trent, sorta.

The Poop and Skinny: Petey the Pit Bull plush dolls are not an actual product but we wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

This episode features Santa and some bad-ass elves because even though it’s the fifth day of Hannukah, “This isn’t about Hannukah!”

This episode is loosely – very loosely – based on “The Princess Bride” in storytelling plot delivery.

NTSF:SD:SUV opening disclaimer – “Tonight’s episode of “NTSF:SD:SUV” is brought to you by a grant from the Welsh Tourism Board. Visit Wales! They have cliffs!”

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