Season Five, Episode One – A New Hope
Synopsis: Season Five of Adult Swim’s “Childrens Hospital” series opened by moving from Brazil – where everybody knows it is located – to a U.S. Army base in Japan while the hospital is being treated for termite infestation. Meanwhile, the mysterious reappearance of Blake Downs is explained again and again and yet again.
Details: Childrens Hospital has termites! This is a common occurrence in Brazil – where, of course, Childrens Hospital is located – and this alarms everybody except Owen, who maintains in hippie-speak that the termites are “just doing their thing, trying to make it on this ball of dirt like anyone else”. Same goes for termite poison. But it means Childrens Hospital will have to be evacuated for 14 weeks while they spray for termites. Aside from Owen, everybody else approves the move which Childrens Hospital administrator Sy [Henry Winkler] has arranged through his contacts for the staff to open a new hospital on a U.S. Army base in Osaka, Japan.
Meanwhile, the Season Four finale featuring the Blake Downs [Rob Corddry] mystery killing – well, it wasn’t really a mystery, he was stabbed multiple times by the Chief then shot several more times by Officer Chance Briggs – is suddenly and mundanely explained by a video featuring Childrens Hospital founder, Arthur Childrens [Jon Hamm], as a clone of Blake Downs awakes somewhere in the bowels of Childrens Hospital. After waking up, the Downs clone is told by Childrens in the video that despite being stabbed and shot several times, he is waking up “from what we’re calling a coma”, that he is of the clown species, and he has a large penis but tiny testicles. All of this information does not prevent him from touching the keyboard – which Childrens specifically warns him not to do – and opening a secret door leading to the Clone Room where all the extra Blake Downs clones are kept.
The Clone Room caretaker is Terry [Steve Agee – “New Girl”], who happened to be taking a dump when Clone #25 stumbled into the Clone Room, forcing Terry to kill him [as the clones can have no knowledge of their other clones]. Unfortunately, Terry is not very good at keeping the Blake clones alive for very long and proceeds to go through a succession of clone loss due to slipping and hitting his head, drug overdose, electrocution and termite poisoning before Blake Clone Unit #30 [or so] is finally safely sent to Japan.
Back in Japan, the Childrens Hospital staff are met by Captain Tripper [Keegan-Michael Key – “MADTv”] who immediately informs them that they are private contractors and if there is one thing soldiers hate, it is private contractors. Despite this, Capt. Tripper needs a ringer for their annual sumo wrestling competition against the Japanese military and thinks he spots one in Chet [Brian Huskey]. But that doesn’t work out as Chet – or rather, Chet’s body double – is slammed by the Japanese sumo wrestler.
The situation appears bleak for the staff and Capt. Tripper’s staff’s chances at winning the sumo wrestling contest until Blake Downs Clone Unit #30 [or so] shows up and just happens to resemble a wakuda – a demonlike character from Kabuki theater – and frightens off the Japanese sumo wrestler. But Glenn’s off-hand remark alerts the Blake Clone Unit to his clone-ness, forcing Sy to shoot him, sending us back to the Clone Room drawing board where Terry’s game of cards with Blake Clone Unit #31 seemingly fails only to have a last second reprieve!
The Poop and Skinny: Like you didn’t already know, Childrens Hospital is located in Brazil – specifically, Sao Paulo.
Terry the Clone Room caretaker returns from dropping logs clutching an Omni magazine – the science magazine once owned by Penthouse magazine founder Bob Guccione.
While being informed by Sy that they will be temporarily moving the hospital to Japan, Chet objects and complains by readily admitting, “I don’t like anime!”
According to Captain Tripper, U.S. soldiers especially hate private contractors who are bespectacled, naturally large-breasted or Jewish.
According to Sy, what we know about Japanese – they squat when they smoke, they have nooo calf definition and they speak another language.
As Arthur Childrens prepares the Blake Downs’ clones with background information, he notes that Blake’s father was a migrant bean farmer, his mother was an obese stutterer, women in San Francisco burned their bras, the Bee Gee’s “Night Fever” was a #2 hit, ironically beaten out by brother Andy Gibbs’ “Shadow Dancing” and the Cold War? Ay, yi, yi…
Fake actor Cutter Spindell is mourned at the beginning – then replaced at the end by a fake actor relative, Rory Spindell.
Co-executive producer Rich Rosenthal gets a shout-out as the name of the Army base the staff goes to in Osaka is named Camp Rosenthal.