Synopsis: In the season finale, Archer, Cyril, Lana and Ray pose as a news crew to infiltrate SEA LAB and try to disarm crazy Captain Murphy [Jon Hamm] and his nerve gas missiles only to discover it’s a hoax from him, a tax insurance scam for Cheryl’s brother Cecil and Lana’s pregnant.
Details: When we last left the ISIS crew, Cecil had just fessed up that he has an underwater city and upon the arrival of the Choppersaurus at Cecil’s underwater city, we discover that it is run by Captain Murphy of “Sealab 2021” fame – and the Captain has returned from the Great Spice Wars to threaten to launch VX nerve gas missiles at various cities unless he gets what he wants in Part Two…
Captain Murphy [Jon Hamm] threatens to launch nerve gas missiles on New York, Washington D.C. and Miami in – “Hey! Look at that!” – 11 hours and 11 minutes, unless his demands are met. The ISIS crew decide to pose as a news crew to go down to SEA LAB and “interview” Captain Murphy while trying to disarm his nerve gas missiles.
Meanwhile, back on the ship, Malory is disappointed to learn that there is no booze on the boat [because Archer has taken it all with him on the submersible] and goes on a rant that it doesn’t matter if Washington D.C. and Miami get hit with nerve gas missiles anyway [in Miami’s case, the real estate market is “farther underwater than SEA LAB”].
For their aliases, Archer comes in as the camera operator and shows Lana the hidden gun in his camera while making two “Danger Zone” references because he “just doesn’t care anymore”. Archer and Lana argue over who gets to be skipper of the submersible and Archer maintains that he is skipper because he “clearly called it” before Lana did. The brief tumult over the skipper’s chair results in a hard landing deployment of the submersible on the water that winds up breaking Ray’s nose. Archer suggests Lana give Ray some of her tampons for his broken nose, then expresses surprise when the outraged Lana tells him she doesn’t have any because “well, your breasts are slightly bigger – interrupted by Lana rant – “and you’re slightly irritable.”
On the ship, Pam whips out some Kentucky moonshine she had to soothe Malory’s need for booze while the ISIS crew goes over their aliases:
Lana is tough but fair investigative reporter Sojourner King.
Archer is Randy Magnum, local Emmy-winning cameraman and fourth nationally ranked pro kite surfer.
Cyril is Chet, sound guy.
Ray is segment producer Carl Channing and third-ranked pro kite surfer.
When the ISIS fake news crew arrives on SEA LAB, Lana suggests they go to see the nerve gas missiles but Captain Murphy insists they go to the bridge instead because “the bridge is where the chair is!” Archer backs up Captain Murphy and tells him he is actually the second-ranked pro kite surfer.
Back on the ship, Cecil reveals he is penniless because he has given all his money away to charities and the SEA LAB was prohibitively expensive to build – to the tune of $200 million – because Captain Murphy hid nerve gas missiles in the budget which he didn’t bother to read “or even look at”. Of course, it didn’t help that Captain Murphy’s salary was $600,000 per year.
Captain Murphy begins to give Lana/Sojourner King his list of demands which begins with a 50-year worldwide moratorium on all fishing and is about to include whaling when he figures they aren’t really a news crew and pulls a knife on Lana. Archer pulls out his hidden gun from the camera, forcing Captain Murphy to drop the knife but Archer mistakenly fires a bullet from the gun which cracks the protective dome of SEA LAB and causes “1 of 1 thing to happen” – sending water rushing in.
Captain Murphy opens a portal to another pod where the ISIS crew are thrust into the break room of the adjoining pod. Captain Murphy comes in afterward but is crushed by his off-brand vending machine. In his dying words, Captain Murphy directs the ISIS crew to the three remaining scuba suits, meaning one of them will have to try and not drown while making it the 100 yards to the submersible. Lana chooses this point to inform everybody that she is pregnant [not from Cyril or Archer but rather via a sperm bank donor] so Archer gives his suit to her, tells her he loves her in underwater mouth bubbles and Ray uses his bionic legs to get Archer to the submersible as fast as he can.
Once in the submersible, Archer is resuscitated but then figures out that it was Ray who performed mouth to mouth on him and during the tussle with Ray, bumps into the defibrillator which short-circuits Ray’s bionic legs. So everybody has a happy ending – Cheryl makes up with her brother, Cecil, who collects three times SEA LAB’s worth from insurance, Archer lives, Lana’s still pregnant, Malory found some booze, Pam is unchanged – except Ray.
The Poop and Skinny: Top three things to remember from this episode…
Captain Murphy only has nerve gas missiles aimed at East Coast cities so the West Coast and Midwest cities are off the hook – woo-hoo!
Pam has a sister named Edie who was mean to her when they were kids – calling her Spamela, rubbing cheese curds in her eyes and stabbing her in the neck. Can we expect an Edie appearance in Season Five?
Ray’s alias, Carl Channing, is a play on the name of famous singer/actress Carol Channing.
Archer has taken three and three-fifths gallons of booze from the helicopter and coffee liqueur is determined to be a light enough drink for driving an underwater submersible.
Alex Pastor is the 2013 top-ranked pro kite surfer for freestyle men.
The coveted TZ Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Archer, who suggests Lana should give Ray a couple of her tampons for his bloody, broken nose and when he receives the expected angry response – “What? That’s their job!”