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The Downfall of Cartoon Network: Just Blame Canada

We’ve all seen it coming. Cartoon Network has been heading in this
direction for the past few years now, and despite our protests, they
have chosen not only to continue in this direction but to speed up the
very process. How many casualties have there been in their push to
change their very nature? So many of our favorite shows have been
cancelled because of it, and even anime, which had proven to be a
valuable source of ratings over the years with shows like Dragon Ball Z
and Naruto, was tossed aside mercilessly. I say it’s time we take a
stand and boycott Cartoon Network until they get rid of what has been
plaguing it.

That’s right, the scourge of Canadian Animation must be stopped.

Animation is a fundamentally American art form. Its inventors and
pioneers shared one thing in common – they were Americans. They
believed in this country. They loved this country. Walt Disney didn’t
produce all those World War II propaganda films because the army asked
him to – he did it because he believed in the power of America.

And as for anime? Well, the Japanese looked at what America had created
and added enough of their touches to make it their own medium. Anime
should not be confused with real, American animation.

But the Canadians didn’t care to adapt animation for their own customs.
They did not add polar bears and hockey influences to their cartoons,
oh no. They STOLE from us, from the great United States, without even a
“thank you” or an acknowledgement to this great nation. And it’s a
conspiracy that goes up to the highest reaches of the Canadian
government itself – the Canada Radio and Television Commission FORCES
their country – FORCES them! – to rip off our great art form for the
sake of “Canadian content restrictions”.

It gets worse.  The Canadian government not only encourages this, it actively participates in stealing from America’s great art form!  That’s right, the government operates what it calls the “National Film Board of Canada”, a production house that churns out animated shorts, year after year, decade after decade.  Canadian taxpayers’ money goes to the government so they can continue besmirching the great art of animation.

But of course, the Canadians can’t stop there. Oh, no. They’re not
only stealing our art form but our animation companies and even our
cartoons as well! Cookie Jar stole Johnny Test – that popular Warner
Bros. show – out from our noses. Then, in their most brazen act, they
bought that most American of animation companies, DiC. Oh, and let us
not forget the serpent that is Lionsgate, oh no. That Canadian company
had the gall to buy out Artisan and is now one of the biggest family
home video distribution companies. 

And now, this – Cartoon Network’s reliance on Canadian cartoons to fill
its schedule. By choosing to rely on Canadian animation, Cartoon
Network has turned its back on America.  They are insulting the names
and memories of William Hanna, Joe Barbera, Chuck Jones, Ted Turner, and
of course that most American of studio heads, Lou Scheimer, who
insisted on producing all of his animation here in these great United
States of America.

If you think it’s going to stop there, think again.  This is clearly part of an elaborate plot to win the hearts and minds of Americans with their inferior copies.  I’ve put up a visual aid to explain my point:

That’s right.  I’m saying that through animation, they’ll gain the influence of our elected officials, our celebrities, our citizens – much like the aliens on V.  In fact, I believe that Canada is a colony of insectoid space aliens taking human form.  Expansionist ant creatures that, through traditions unusual (hockey) and stolen (animation), want to take over the entire earth.

So by watching Canadian animation, you can say goodbye to freedom and hello to this:

Well, I for one, do not welcome our new insect overlords.  And I hope you don’t either.  So if you value your artform, if you value quality, if you value your personal liberties and freedom, you have to follow my lead.

Boycott Cartoon Network. If not for its programming, then do it for
America.

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